How to Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You

How to Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You

Oh, that wonderful, soaring feeling when you finally get a real girlfriend. You feel so happy to be close to someone, to hug her, to kiss her, and generally just be around that special someone. Sadly, maintaining a relationship requires more than just being present. The two partners must maintain the excitement, passion, and energy as time passes. Learn how to keep a new girl or an old flame interested in you over the long haul.

Part 1 of 3:
Bonding with Your Girlfriend

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1
Be genuine. Being yourself in your relationship is one of the biggest steps you can take to maintaining your girlfriend’s interest and being satisfied in the relationship. If you are constantly having to adjust who you are to please your partner you will have trouble developing intimacy with this individual. Knowing that you can be true to yourself and still be accepted is important in sustaining your happiness and your girlfriend’s long-term. [1] X Research source Don’t mistake being authentic and genuine to being resistant to change. Everyone has some traits in which they can improve, and relationships can be a great vehicle for us to better ourselves. If you do change, just be mindful that you are sticking to your life values and priorities.
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2
Spend quality time with her. In the early stages of a relationship, keeping interest revolves around developing a strong bond. Making an effort to spend time together alone allows you to forge a connection with your girlfriend. Time together doesn’t have to involve pricey dates. This shared time can be any activity that the both of you like and that enables you to enjoy one another, such as hiking, working out, or trying a new dance class. [2] X Research source
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3
Touch her often. Starting at infancy, touch becomes one of our most basic needs and first forms of language. We are comforted, soothed, and excited by the touch of another. Physical intimacy of any kind is vital to the health of a relationship. However, non-sexual touching, such as cuddling, hugging, or rubbing her back can induce a positive mood in your partner and strengthen your bond.[3] X Research source
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4
Learn her likes and dislikes. Knowing what your girlfriend is passionate about can deepen your bond. [4] X Research source Talk to her about her hobbies and interests. However, it’s also important to know her dislikes, so that you can avoid doing things or discussing topics that make her uncomfortable. Ironically, acting interested in her can help her to maintain interest in you.
EXPERT TIP
Elvina Lui, MFT

Elvina Lui, MFT

Relationship Expert
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.
Elvina Lui, MFT
Elvina Lui, MFT
Relationship Expert

How do you keep somebody interested? According to Elvina Lui, couples counselor and therapist, "You must become so close and so valuable that you are irreplaceable. If you build that, you won't ever have to worry if you are loved and wanted, because both of you will feel constantly loved and wanted."

Image titled Make a Woman Fall in Love With You Step 2
5
Laugh together. Laughter has a long list of benefits for physical and mental health. Research also shows that the social benefits of laughter can strengthen your relationships, help defuse conflict, and attract others to you. [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source To maintain the interest of your girlfriend, make her laugh by playing games, watching funny movies or YouTube videos, or just doing silly things together.
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Part 2 of 3:
Opening Up to Your Girlfriend

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1
Practice self-disclosure. Vulnerability feels scary, but it actually links us to others in a positive way. [6] X Research source A great way to be vulnerable with your girlfriend is to share your personal thoughts, ideas, values, goals or secrets. This improves the intimacy you share with your girlfriend and can provide you with a sense of support. Carefully judge between high-level and low-level self-disclosures until you feel more comfortable sharing. For example, you may not be quite ready to share the details about your parents’ divorce, but you may want to tell your girlfriend about your career aspirations or silly beliefs you had as a child.
Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 3
2
Listen. Having a lack of communication is one of the main reasons a relationship fails. [7] X Research source Sharing with your girlfriend is important, but so is allowing her to share. Effective communication with your girlfriend begins with being an effective listener. During a conversation, try to use the LARA method: [8] X Research source Listen by attuning to her body language, tone, and words. Receive what she is saying without striving to respond. Listen without judgment. Your whole goal should be to understand how she feels and the message she is trying to convey. Affirm or acknowledge her message. Show that you have heard what she says by responding with “I understand” or “I see what you are trying to say.” Respond by asking a clarifying question or summarizing what you think your girlfriend said. Add your own thoughts and feelings in a constructive manner. Use “I” statements, such as “I am happy that you can talk to me about things like this. I hope we continue to communicate with each other in the future”.
Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 13
3
Tell the truth. Honesty is an integral aspect of all relationships. If your girlfriend mistrusts you or doubts the sincerity of your words or actions, she may begin to lose interest in the relationship. What’s more, even if you stay together the dynamic of the relationship is damaged by lies. Strive to be honest in your communications with your girlfriend (even if you worry it will hurt her or she will not be receptive) since lies build up walls rather than tear them down. [9] X Research source
Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 8
4
Lift her mood when she is sad. When your partner is sad, you might try anything and everything to “fix” her. Of course, you want her to be upbeat and normal. Women, however, want to feel supported and understood. Instead of trying to fix your girlfriend, work on comforting her. This will help her to feel more connected to you. Ways to comfort a sad girlfriend include: [10] X Research source Ask her what you can do to help. Talk to her about what’s going right or positive parts of her day. Do uplifting and positive things together Tell her you care about her. Give her space and time alone when she needs it.
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Part 3 of 3:
Maintaining the Interest of a Long-Term Love

Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 1
1
Engage in open communication. Being receptive to feedback about the relationship, and being willing to provide your own can really make a difference in a healthy and lasting relationship. Tips for maintaining positive interactions include the following: [11] X Research source Stick to the 48-hour rule. If one of you is still angry about a situation after 48 hours, talk about it. If not, let it go. Be wary of body language. Crossed arms or legs indicate anger or defensiveness. Face your partner with an erect posture and open arms and legs. Unclench your hands. Refrain from attacking. Take a moment to think and carefully select your words before speaking. Strive to use “I” statements that minimize your partner becoming defensive.
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2
Let her meet your family as your connection deepens. After the courtship has endured for a length of time, you should show your girlfriend you are serious and committed to the relationship by bringing her home to meet your family. Failing to introduce her to your parents after too long sends her the message that you don’t see this partnership going anywhere. Keep her interested by further opening up to her and letting her meet the other important people in your life. Since your girlfriend and your parents will interpret this as a meaningful move that symbolizes your commitment to the relationship, you should only take your girlfriend home if you are truly serious about her.[12] X Research source
Image titled Make Your Husband Happy Step 7
3
Maintain separate interests beyond the relationship. Being in a healthy, happy relationship means that both partners have the opportunity to enjoy life together and separately. Ensure that both you and your girlfriend have friendships, interests, and hobbies apart as well as together. [13] X Research source
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4
Support her. Your girlfriend will likely experience many ups and downs during the course of your relationship. Feelings like she has you as a source of support can strengthen your bond and actually make her want to reciprocate being supportive to you. Supporting your girlfriend means creating a safe place for her to feel at home with being herself, sharing with you and even making mistakes. [14] X Research source Being supportive might include standing by your girlfriend during tough times, challenging her to do and be her best, giving her the space to explore her identity and grow, and never judging or placing constraints on her.
Advertisement

Part 1 of 3:
Bonding with Your Girlfriend

Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 12
1
Be genuine. Being yourself in your relationship is one of the biggest steps you can take to maintaining your girlfriend’s interest and being satisfied in the relationship. If you are constantly having to adjust who you are to please your partner you will have trouble developing intimacy with this individual. Knowing that you can be true to yourself and still be accepted is important in sustaining your happiness and your girlfriend’s long-term. [1] X Research source Don’t mistake being authentic and genuine to being resistant to change. Everyone has some traits in which they can improve, and relationships can be a great vehicle for us to better ourselves. If you do change, just be mindful that you are sticking to your life values and priorities.
Image titled Get More Intimate Without Having Sex Step 7
2
Spend quality time with her. In the early stages of a relationship, keeping interest revolves around developing a strong bond. Making an effort to spend time together alone allows you to forge a connection with your girlfriend. Time together doesn’t have to involve pricey dates. This shared time can be any activity that the both of you like and that enables you to enjoy one another, such as hiking, working out, or trying a new dance class. [2] X Research source
Image titled Get More Intimate Without Having Sex Step 3
3
Touch her often. Starting at infancy, touch becomes one of our most basic needs and first forms of language. We are comforted, soothed, and excited by the touch of another. Physical intimacy of any kind is vital to the health of a relationship. However, non-sexual touching, such as cuddling, hugging, or rubbing her back can induce a positive mood in your partner and strengthen your bond.[3] X Research source
Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 6
4
Learn her likes and dislikes. Knowing what your girlfriend is passionate about can deepen your bond. [4] X Research source Talk to her about her hobbies and interests. However, it’s also important to know her dislikes, so that you can avoid doing things or discussing topics that make her uncomfortable. Ironically, acting interested in her can help her to maintain interest in you.
EXPERT TIP
Elvina Lui, MFT

Elvina Lui, MFT

Relationship Expert
Elvina Lui is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist specializing in relationship counseling based in the San Francisco Bay Area. Elvina received her Masters in Counseling from Western Seminary in 2007 and trained under the Asian Family Institute in San Francisco and the New Life Community Services in Santa Cruz. She has over 13 years of counseling experience and is trained in the harm reduction model.
Elvina Lui, MFT
Elvina Lui, MFT
Relationship Expert

How do you keep somebody interested? According to Elvina Lui, couples counselor and therapist, "You must become so close and so valuable that you are irreplaceable. If you build that, you won't ever have to worry if you are loved and wanted, because both of you will feel constantly loved and wanted."

Image titled Make a Woman Fall in Love With You Step 2
5
Laugh together. Laughter has a long list of benefits for physical and mental health. Research also shows that the social benefits of laughter can strengthen your relationships, help defuse conflict, and attract others to you. [5] X Trustworthy Source HelpGuide Nonprofit organization dedicated to providing free, evidence-based mental health and wellness resources. Go to source To maintain the interest of your girlfriend, make her laugh by playing games, watching funny movies or YouTube videos, or just doing silly things together.
Advertisement

Part 2 of 3:
Opening Up to Your Girlfriend

Image titled Know if You're in Love Step 17
1
Practice self-disclosure. Vulnerability feels scary, but it actually links us to others in a positive way. [6] X Research source A great way to be vulnerable with your girlfriend is to share your personal thoughts, ideas, values, goals or secrets. This improves the intimacy you share with your girlfriend and can provide you with a sense of support. Carefully judge between high-level and low-level self-disclosures until you feel more comfortable sharing. For example, you may not be quite ready to share the details about your parents’ divorce, but you may want to tell your girlfriend about your career aspirations or silly beliefs you had as a child.
Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 3
2
Listen. Having a lack of communication is one of the main reasons a relationship fails. [7] X Research source Sharing with your girlfriend is important, but so is allowing her to share. Effective communication with your girlfriend begins with being an effective listener. During a conversation, try to use the LARA method: [8] X Research source Listen by attuning to her body language, tone, and words. Receive what she is saying without striving to respond. Listen without judgment. Your whole goal should be to understand how she feels and the message she is trying to convey. Affirm or acknowledge her message. Show that you have heard what she says by responding with “I understand” or “I see what you are trying to say.” Respond by asking a clarifying question or summarizing what you think your girlfriend said. Add your own thoughts and feelings in a constructive manner. Use “I” statements, such as “I am happy that you can talk to me about things like this. I hope we continue to communicate with each other in the future”.
Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 13
3
Tell the truth. Honesty is an integral aspect of all relationships. If your girlfriend mistrusts you or doubts the sincerity of your words or actions, she may begin to lose interest in the relationship. What’s more, even if you stay together the dynamic of the relationship is damaged by lies. Strive to be honest in your communications with your girlfriend (even if you worry it will hurt her or she will not be receptive) since lies build up walls rather than tear them down. [9] X Research source
Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 8
4
Lift her mood when she is sad. When your partner is sad, you might try anything and everything to “fix” her. Of course, you want her to be upbeat and normal. Women, however, want to feel supported and understood. Instead of trying to fix your girlfriend, work on comforting her. This will help her to feel more connected to you. Ways to comfort a sad girlfriend include: [10] X Research source Ask her what you can do to help. Talk to her about what’s going right or positive parts of her day. Do uplifting and positive things together Tell her you care about her. Give her space and time alone when she needs it.
Advertisement

Part 3 of 3:
Maintaining the Interest of a Long-Term Love

Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 1
1
Engage in open communication. Being receptive to feedback about the relationship, and being willing to provide your own can really make a difference in a healthy and lasting relationship. Tips for maintaining positive interactions include the following: [11] X Research source Stick to the 48-hour rule. If one of you is still angry about a situation after 48 hours, talk about it. If not, let it go. Be wary of body language. Crossed arms or legs indicate anger or defensiveness. Face your partner with an erect posture and open arms and legs. Unclench your hands. Refrain from attacking. Take a moment to think and carefully select your words before speaking. Strive to use “I” statements that minimize your partner becoming defensive.
Image titled Make Your Husband Happy Step 23
2
Let her meet your family as your connection deepens. After the courtship has endured for a length of time, you should show your girlfriend you are serious and committed to the relationship by bringing her home to meet your family. Failing to introduce her to your parents after too long sends her the message that you don’t see this partnership going anywhere. Keep her interested by further opening up to her and letting her meet the other important people in your life. Since your girlfriend and your parents will interpret this as a meaningful move that symbolizes your commitment to the relationship, you should only take your girlfriend home if you are truly serious about her.[12] X Research source
Image titled Make Your Husband Happy Step 7
3
Maintain separate interests beyond the relationship. Being in a healthy, happy relationship means that both partners have the opportunity to enjoy life together and separately. Ensure that both you and your girlfriend have friendships, interests, and hobbies apart as well as together. [13] X Research source
Image titled Keep Your Girlfriend Interested in You Step 9
4
Support her. Your girlfriend will likely experience many ups and downs during the course of your relationship. Feelings like she has you as a source of support can strengthen your bond and actually make her want to reciprocate being supportive to you. Supporting your girlfriend means creating a safe place for her to feel at home with being herself, sharing with you and even making mistakes. [14] X Research source Being supportive might include standing by your girlfriend during tough times, challenging her to do and be her best, giving her the space to explore her identity and grow, and never judging or placing constraints on her.
Advertisement